Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
