Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Im part way to drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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