I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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