Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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