Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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