i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
