Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
