I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
