one two three fourrrrnication!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
