We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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