sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
