I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
