My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
