Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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