Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
