you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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