life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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