i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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