Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
