Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
