8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
