Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dick very happy bro
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
