Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
