Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
