i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i've created a new STD.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
