My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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