I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
