why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How does it feel to date your dad?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
