Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This baby is an asshole
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
