i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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