how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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