dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
