My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
