I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
