The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
