so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
