im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
