why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
