i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
