I got chris browned last night
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
