My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
