She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
