Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can I color on your dick again?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
