I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
