I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
