We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
