i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
farters have to be the big spoon...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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