I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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