He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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