my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
