Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
