i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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