2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
